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Saturday, March 11, 2006

"So are you pregnant yet?"

Current Mood:

Now that Steve and I have been married a year and a half, so many people have asked me when I'm going to be having a baby: friends, family (both sides), co-workers. And they all give me the same reaction when I say that Steve and I aren't thinking of having children.

"...But but but why not?"
"...Having a child is the best thing that can happen to you!"
"...You guys would be GREAT parents!"

So why aren't we having kids? How to explain it without sounding selfish... (thinks about it a while)...I guess there isn't a way that it doesn't sound selfish, so I'll just go ahead and say it.

Steve and I are happy just being together. Many couples say that it was only when they had a child that they felt complete. It's not like that with me and Steve. We feel complete as it is.

I could give the classic argument about finances and not being able to afford a child (which *is* true), but I also think that the counter-argument is valid: if you really want a baby, you'll find a way to make it work.

It's really just that we don't want to have a child.

Sure, I have moments when I'm thinking, "I wonder what it would be like to have a baby." But those moments are few and far in between. I have more moments when I'm thinking (with a sigh of relief), "God, I'm glad we don't have kids."

This decision is not without its disappointments. I feel terribly guilty about it. My parents want grandchildren so much. And the fact that I can't repay them with a grandchild for all that they've done for me breaks my heart.

But I also know that it would not be wise for me to bring another human being into this world if I'm not ready to make a full commitment to raising it to the best of my ability. It really does grind my gears when I hear about children ending up being abandoned or neglected because their parents at some point decided that having kids wasn't what they wanted after all--that it didn't fit their lifestyle. I mean, you're responsible for the physical, mental, social, and moral needs of another human being, for crying out loud! It's worth more than just a casual decision and no, you don't get to change your mind once it's there.

I definitely salute all good parents all over the world. Raising a child well is a testament to their whole-hearted commitment. Maybe one day Steve and I will be ready for that commitment and I'll change my mind :-).

But I'd rather change my mind in that direction than the other way around :-).

Posted by Unknown | 7:04 AM | 0 Comments |

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